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The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells, by Randi Kreger
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Gentle counsel and realistic advice for families contending with one of today's most misunderstood forms of mental illness.
"Randi Kreger has done it again! With her new book, she continues to make the dynamics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) readily accessible to those of us who love, live with and treat people who suffer from this complex condition." Blaise Aguirre, MD, Medical Director, Adolescent Dialectical Behavior Therapy Residential Program, McLean Hospital"Kreger's communication techniques, grounded in the latest research, provide family members with the essential ability to regain a genuine, meaningful relationship with their loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder." Debra Resnick, Psy.D., President, Psychological Services and Human Development Center"This book offers hope for those who think their situation has none." Rachel Reiland, author of Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality DisorderFor family members of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), home life is routinely unpredictable and frequently unbearable. Extreme mood swings, impulsive behaviors, unfair blaming and criticism, and suicidal tendencies common conduct among those who suffer from the disorder leave family members feeling confused, hurt, and helpless.In Stop Walking on Eggshells, Randi Kreger's pioneering first book which sold more than 340,000 copies, she and co-author Paul T. Mason outlined the fundamental differences in the way that people with BPD relate to the world. Now, with The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder, Kreger takes readers to the next level by offering them five straightforward tools to organize their thinking, learn specific skills, and focus on what they need to do to get off the emotional rollercoaster:Take care of yourselfUncover what keeps you feeling stuckCommunicate to be heardSet limits with loveReinforce the right behaviorsTogether the steps provide a clear-cut system designed to help friends and family reduce stress, improve their relationship with their borderline loved one, improve their problem-solving skills and minimize conflict, and feel more self-assured about setting limits.Randi Kreger is the co-author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and the author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook. She operates bpdcentral.com, one of the top web-based resources for those living with BPD, and runs the Welcome to Oz online family support groups based at her web site. Cofounder of the Personality Disorder Awareness Network, Kreger is frequently invited to lecture on BPD and related issues, both for clinicians and laypeople.
- Sales Rank: #11427 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Hazelden
- Published on: 2008-10-23
- Released on: 2008-10-23
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .70" w x 6.05" l, 1.05 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
This book offers hope for those who think their situation has none.
--Rachel Reiland, author of Get Me Out of Here (Rachel Reiland)
About the Author
Randi Kreger is coauthor of the groundbreaking bestseller Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder (over 350,000 copies sold), and author of the Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder. These two books, which have been translated into seven different languages, have brought the concerns of family members with a borderline loved one to the international forefront. Kreger's website, BPDCentral.com, is one of the largest and longest-established sites about Borderline Personality Disorder on the web. Kreger is cofounder of the Personality Disorder Awareness Network and maintains Welcome to Oz, an online support group for family members of those with BPD. She gives presentations internationally to both laypeople and clinicians. Praise for Randi Kreger's The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: "If you love someone who makes you feel trapped, controlled, or manipulated, this wonderful book can set you free." Anne Katherine, M.A., author of Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day "Be prepared to make some positive changes in your relationships." Kimberlee Roth, co-author of Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem "Kreger should be commended for her untiring efforts to help people impacted by this disorder." Perry D. Hoffman, Ph.D., President-National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder "This indispensable book is compassionate to all involved and avoids blame, jargon, and oversimplification." Freda B. Friedman, Ph.D., Dialectical Behavior Specialist "With exquisite understanding of the disorder and empathy for both those who have it and their family members, Kreger offers valuable 'Power Tools,' to help readers endure the ravages of BPD." Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., co-author of I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality and Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder "Kreger uncovers the marvelous symmetry of the borderline relationship, in which both participants experience similar self-doubts, irrational guilt and shame, wavering identity, helplessness, anger, and fear of abandonment. Those with BPD and their loved ones will, together, benefit from the tools she provides." Richard A. Moskovitz, M.D., author of Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder "Kreger masterfully breaks down BPD to help people more easily understand this complex subject." Barbara Oakley, Ph.D., author of Evil Genes: Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole my Mother's Boyfriend "Randi Kreger has done it again! With her new book, she continues to make the dynamics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) readily accessible to those of us who love, live with and treat people who suffer from this complex condition." Blaise Aguirre, MD, Medical Director, Adolescent Dialectical Behavior Therapy Residential Program, McLean Hospital "Kreger's communication techniques, grounded in the latest research, provide family members with the essential ability to regain a genuine, meaningful relationship with their loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder." Debra Resnick, Psy.D., President, Psychological Services and Human Development Center "This book offers hope for those who think their situation has none." Rachel Reiland, author of Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Author Home Page: http://www.bpdcentral.com
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
How to live effectively with a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder, and not make it worse!
By Bibliophile
WHAT READERS CAN LEARN FROM THIS BOOK
1. How to recognize the behavior pattern of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), including:
(1) Equating feelings with facts.
(2) Jumping to negative conclusions without any supporting facts.
(3) Assuming others are thinking poorly of them.
(4) Catastrophizing. Thinking the worst-case scenario will happen no matter what.
(5) Blaming others while being held accountable for nothing.
(6) Quietly self-critical while repelling compliments.
(7) Lying or blowing the truth out of proportion.
2. How to properly respond to a family member who has BPD.
3. How to distinguish between Higher-functioning and Lower-functioning BPDs.
4. How a BPD spouse will argue like a young child, not be aware of his or her own emotions, overreact to either real or imagined rejection, and possibly be aggressively destructive toward self or others.
5. How the non-BPD spouse will be blamed for all the marital problems, be "damned-if-I-do" and "damned-if-I-don't", be pushed away by BPD spouse and then blamed when he backs off.
6. How medications can reduce BPD symptoms of depression, mood swings, dissociation, aggression, and impulsivity.
7. The value of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) which accomplishes two opposite things: accepting the person with BPD, but teaching the BPD new skills, especially communication skills.
8. How to assess whether or not to treat a person with BPD, a very difficult disorder to treat.
9. The non-BPD person can learn:
(1) How not to give in to threats or isolation.
(2) How to practice acceptance of the BPD.
(3) How to set limits on how much damage to take from the BPD.
(4) How not to become pre-occupied with preventing an outburst from the BPD.
(5) How to set limits and boundaries for the BPD.
(6) How to practice deep-breathing at the outset of a BPD's outburst.
(7) How to respond to verbal abuse from the BPD.
(8) The value of empathy and "intentional communication."
(9) How to diffuse a situation using non-combative statements, keeping one's face soft and one's tone calm and neutral, using positive self-talk, validating the BPD's feelings while standing firm by your limits.
(10) How to use the least reinforcing scenario by standing still and remaining motionless.
(11) Praising the BPD's good behavior.
ENDORSEMENTS
This book has been endorsed by a number of professionals, before it went to publication, including:
Dr. Robert Freidel, Distinguished Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Virginia Commonweath University;
Dr. Blaise Aguirre, medical director of the Adolescent Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Center at McLean Hospital;
Dr Jim Breiling, from the National Institute of Mental Health;
Dr. John Gunderson, Prof of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School;
Dr. Debra Resnick, a specialist in Dailectical Behaviorial Therapy:
Dr. Freda Friedman, a DBT therapist.
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
A dangerous book for non BP with domestically violent BPs
By Sonic Debate
This book is well written but dangerous for non-BPs with abusive BPs. I read it cover to cover and had to put a warning here for non-BPs. I have tried the techniques and they do not work if your BP is abusive and will only trap you in an unsafe escalation. In spite of frequently referencing Walking on Eggshells and having a clear knowledge that BPs can be volatile and abusive at times not once in the book does she present the option of leaving and creating a drain-free and happy life. A non BP does not have to stay on an environment where they are constantly yelled at, belittled or abused and it is not the non BPs responsibility to depersonalise constant character attacks. Kreger's mantra is to depersonalise and desensitise to cope with BPD rages but this is a a ticket to the non BP losing themselves and their dream of a safe and peaceful life. Many non BPs who chose BPs as partners grew up with a BP parent and have been fine tuned to sacrifice and serve the whims and moods of others and in my pov the non BP would be far better served by getting therapy on how to be more self assertive and it be totally ok to say a loud and clear no without constant depersonalising or care taking of the BPs emotions to stay safe. I liked the first half of the book and it's a good outline of life and relationships with a BP but the second half is dangerous and is the kind of advice that causes a Non BP to suffer and also to do things that can provoke domestic violence. I hope Kreger revises this book and gives clear options for the Non BP that leaving is always an option. Life is short and it is the non BPs right to create a peaceful life and home without being yelled at and punished repeatedly. I hope this review helps someone who feels stuck to know that their are more options than just depersonalising and desensitising and that it is ok for you to leave your BP just do it safely with support if they are domestically violent!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Important series
By gare
Randi Kreger has done us all--professional therapists and the general public--an enormous favor by bringing this elusive, puzzling 'mental illness' into the public eye in a non-judgmental tone, lending understanding & compassion to the individual struggling to get through life for reasons they do not understand as well as to the family--child, spouse, parents--bewildered by a condition that is there one minute, disrupting family interactions, and gone the next leaving hardly a trace--except in the minds of those around the individual with the problem. It is as if, once the person has off-loaded their anxiety, humiliation, rage, and depression, their equilibrium has been restored but at the expense of everyone else. How to understand this, what to do about it, what to expect in the future: These are all powerful questions Randi tackles head-on. The answers are not simple, and the results are not always predictable, but Randi gives clarity and hope to the family struggling to live with a family member whose mind becomes intermittently clouded by this all-too-common problem that--without the help Randi provides--can result in enormous, chronic emotional pain and suffering. A must for EVERY therapist and for every family where someone continuously disrupts the equilibrium and seems unable to reflect on his or her participation, except to see themselves as the victim.
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